1st OB Appointment...9 weeks

We had our first appointment with the OB. The office was really busy and I was in shock with how many pregnant baby bellies were in the office. So not what I'm used to with the RE. I guess I'm a normal pregnant lady now....so strange....but so great!


We met the nurse practitioner and she did a baseline ultrasound just to make sure that everything looks good and so that they have it for their records even though the RE had transferred everything over. I didn't mind....another glimpse of our Litte One! Brian got to see the LO moving around at the beginning of the scan. I missed to....but Brian was really excited!

hmmm....glow worm???

Our visit was quick since I had been monitored by the RE. I had to have some additional bloodwork that they like ordered for their new patients and got a referral to the perinatalogist for our NT Scan. Uneventful....but so exciting that we passed another hurdle today!

Christmas is just 3 days away. I can't help but dream about what next Christmas will be like. I can't wait! We bought a stroller for LO's "first Christmas present". It was on sale and a great deal....I couldn't resist! We can't wait to take LO for walks in it!

8 week ultrasound

8 week ultrasound today!

I was so excited to see the LO today! Dr. W was right on time today and we got to see a beautiful beating heart today. It was beating away at 168 beats per minute. We were able to hear the heartbeat thru the ultrasound today....music to my ears!

Baby is looking like ET here!

In our excitement, we also got some bittersweet news. Dr. W discovered a 2nd sac with a baby that didn't have any cardiac activity. So, both embryos attached after the transfer. But, for whatever reason, the 2nd sac didn't develop past 7 weeks. It's called "vanishing twin" syndrome. It occurs in about 20-30% of multiple pregnancies. Typically, the sac will reabsorb and not cause any problems. I'll continue to be monitored to make sure that this is, in fact, the case.


We graduated from the RE today, just shy of 1 year since we started our journey with them. It was sad to leave because they have been so good to us. They really did feel like part of our family. I have orders from Dr. W and Sara to email with updates, belly pictures, and to bring the baby by for a visit. I can't wait!!!


Keep growing strong, Little One!

6 week Ultrasound

We had our 6 week ultrasound today. I was a nervous wreck and so was Brian. It was a very quiet ride to the office. We had to wait for what seemed like forever.

We were finally called back and greeted by Sara, our nurse throughout the cycle. She was so excited for us. She asked how I was doing, and I instantly started crying. I was just so nervous. She reassured me that Dr. W would be right in to get started. She had a student nurse working with her that day, so she asked if she could be in the room with us. At that point, I really didn't care who was in the room, I just wanted to know if everything was OK.

Dr. W finally came in. Since she knew how nervous I was, she wanted to get started with the ultrasound and go over everything else later. She was able to find the gestational sac immediately and then zoomed in on the heartbeat. I couldn't believe it....it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. Brian and I were both in tears. Little one was so small, but so amazingly alive!

It's hard to see...but in the top of the black oval is the baby. It's so small, but it looks like a diamond ring on the screen. The ring is the sac and the "diamond " is the baby

Everything was measuring right on target and Dr. W reviewed my meds and bloodwork and next appointments. Since I had mild OHSS, she went over when to call her if I experienced any difficultly in breathing etc. She said that my ovaries are still really over stimulated, but pregnancy usually helps the symptoms to subside. She also gave us instructions to call and ask to be scheduled for an ultrasound at any time we are worried and in need of reassurance. Lastly, she wants me to book an appointment with an OB....hard to believe!


The entire office was buzzing with our news and we got lots of hugs and congrats from the staff. We see them so much that they really began to feel like family. It's going to be really hard to say goodbye. Next ultrasound is in 2 weeks!

Thanksgiving 2009

Dear Little One--

Your daddy and I spent Thanksgiving in Tahoe. It was your first road trip! We have so much to be Thankful for this year. Your daddy and I love you so much already and can't believe how lucky we are.

I have been feeling really good and I haven't had ANY preganancy symptoms at all, other than exhaustion and waking up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. I know I'm lucky and I'm very thankful that you are making pregnancy so easy on me. However, at times, I do get scared. I just hope that you are alright in there!

We had a very relaxing time in Tahoe. We took walks, slept a lot, watched movies, read, and worked on a puzzle. It was cold and snowy several days, so it was perfect for staying in by the fire and drinking hot chocolate!

Grow Strong, Little One!

Beta #2

Beta #2 = 403!!!

Dr. W said that we doubled close enough and she wasn't at all worried. Typically, a healthy pregnancy should have a doubling beta every 48-72 hours. All my other bloodwork looked great, so I go to go off all my meds. Wow! Now, I'm only on baby aspirin and pre-natal vitamins.

Next up, 6 week ultrasound in 2 more weeks.

Overjoyed!

I'm knocked up! I'm with child! I'm FINALLY pregnant!!!!!

Brian and I got up early and were at the lab by 7am for my Beta draw. It sure was a quiet ride to the lab. We were both so nervous. We so desperately wanted to hear the great news that we were finally pregnant!

I took the day off work so that we could be together to process whatever news we received when Dr. W called. We waited and waited and waited for what seemed like an eternity, but it was just after 11am when the phone rang. Brian was out with Belle on a walk, so I debated if I should answer the phone or let her leave a message. I decided to answer the phone. Dr. W said Hello and asked me how I was feeling. I said that I felt fine, but that I was really nervous. She asked if I was feeling pregnant and I responded that I wasn't at all. She replied, "are you sure, because you should be!". I was unsure as to where she was going with this and I dumbfoundedly asked her, "I'm really pregnant, you're not kidding?". She replied, "I don't kid about things like this, you are pregnant!".

My beta level was great! Beta was 205 9dp5dt. I cried tears of shock and joy. Dr. W congratulated me and told me to tell Brian the good news and gave me instructions about my meds. After we got off the phone, I ran to our empty room and grabbed the onies that Brian and I bought in Murphy's during our 1st IUI cycle many months ago. When he got home, I was crying. I showed him the onies and asked if he'd like to use it in about 8 more months! We both cried and hugged and cried some more!

We are both so excited and nervous and scared. I took a pregnancy test just to see the words "pregnant" pop up. I still couldn't believe it. I have another blood draw on Thursday to make sure my levels are doubling and then we have our 1st ultrasound on 12/2. We can't wait to see our little one!

Waiting....

So if there's anything I've learned
From this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going
Simple love will keep you strong
Because there are questions without answers,
flames that never die,
And heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you Lord,
How could I ask for more

- Cindy Morgan Lyrics

A dear friend of mine reminded me that in the Bible, it's documented that every single woman that prayed for a child received one. Every single one of them. It may not have been in their time, but it was in God's time, and I really do believe that if God gives you the desire to be a mother, He will indeed fulfill that desire, someway, somehow.

I will hold onto that belief while we count down the days to our first Beta (pregnancy test). Tick....Tock....this just might be the longest 9 days ever.

Egg Transfer

We had our 5 day transfer yesterday! We transfer ed 2 beautiful grade AB blastocysts back in.

Here's the picture that they gave us of our blasts. Sorry, I can't figure out how to crop it down. We are hoping they are getting snuggled in for a long 9 month stay.

This is what happens in a 5dt:

0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining 5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

I'm on bed rest for the next couple of days. Our hard work is behind us. Now, we just wait. Our next appointment is for a beta draw (pregnancy test). I think the waiting will be the hardest part. I keep trying to remember that I am pregnant until proven otherwise.

Dr. W called today to let us know that 4 more embies made it to the blastocyst stage, so we have a total of 6 blasts to freeze.....our very own totsicles for later use. We'll keep you posted as we know more....keep those prayers and good vibes coming....our embies have a lot growing to do!

It's On!

All 13 embies are still growing strong and in the REs words this morning, "they all look terrific!". It was music to our ears. Dr. S made me laugh when he said that our embies were making the team work hard tomorrow because it was going to be a lengthy discussion and difficult decision to narrow down to 2 embies to transfer. Of course, my response was that it's a great problem to have. Dr. S wittingly jested back that he didn't see it as a problem, but a fantastic opportunity!



So, we're on for the Embryo Transfer on Sunday at 11am! We are thrilled to have this fantastic opportunity!

The Kenny 13

Dr. W called to let us know that all 13 embryos made it to Day 2 and they are still growing strong! All are a Grade 1 or Grade 2 which means they have received the highest grades possible for embryos! Tomorrow we will go ahead and schedule our transfer. We're keeping our fingers crossed that the transfer will be on Sunday. Transferring on Sunday will get us to a Day 5 Blastocyst transfer. So, now we are just cheering the Kenny 13 on. Say it with me... "Go embies, go!".

I found these pictures that I thought were cool that show the embies development. If you feel like you are going back to your high school Biology class, now you know what we have felt like for months leading up to this IVF cycle! We keep calling this our "little experiment". I'm amazed by this process and will continue to be in awe of our little miracles everyday!

Day 1: Fertilization

Male and female genetic material (DNA) is in the 2 pronuclei (circles) in the center. This is what we see at the "fertilization check" the morning after the egg retrieval. Evidence of fertilization is shown by the presence of the 2 pronuclei. Without fertilization, the egg would look the same, but without any pronuclei.

Day 2: 2 cell embryo

Day 3: 8 cell embryoDay 4: Morula Stage
This is a compacting morula. There are many cells and the cell borders are becoming fuzzy as the embryo "compacts". With compaction it looks as though the cells are "melting together"
A morula contains about 10 - 30 cells. The morula stage is the final stage prior to formation of a fluid filled cavity called the blastocoel cavity.

Day 5: Blastocyst

A blastocyst is an embryo which has developed to the point of having 2 different cell components and a fluid cavity. Blastocyst transfers can give higher pregnancy success rates with very low risk of triplets.The cells which will become the fetus are in the area marked as "ICM" (inner cell mass)The blastocoel cavity in the center is marked as "C"The trophectoderm cells that will form the placenta surround the cavity - one is marked with a "T"

Fertilization Report

Dr. W called bright and early this morning to go over our Fertilization Report. Here's the break down:

• 20 eggs retrieved
• 15 were mature
• 13 fertilized with ICSI!!!

So, right now we have a baker's dozen of little embryos! We are beyond thrilled!!! Now, we wait and see how the 13 divide and develop. The following is an approximate timetable of events for IVF:
Day 0
Egg retrieval Sperm collection and ICSI
Day 1
Check eggs for fertilization (the presence of two pronuclei or PN's)
Day 2
Embryos at the 4-cell or more stage of development
Day 3
Embryos at the 8-cell or more stage of development
Day 4
Embryos at the compacted morula (16-32 cell) stage
Day 5
Embryos at the blastocyst stage of development

Our goal is to make it to the 5 day transfer stage. We'll be getting updates along the way and Dr. W will call us on Friday to schedule the transfer. The only reason we would have a 3-day Transfer is if the embies development is slowing down or starting to fragment. Sometimes, there are clear leaders pulling ahead of the pack by then, sometimes not. Studies show a slightly higher success rate with a 5-day transfer, so we're pulling for a 5-day! Critical points in development are (1) fertilization, (2) 4 to 8 cell stage and (3) morula to blastocyst stage.

So, now we trust the embryologists to take care of our little embies and wait....we are so excited and thrilled...but we know there are many more hurdles to jump over before crossing our finish line to claim victory over infertility. We are humbled and grateful to have made it this far and we pray with all of our hearts that the outcome will be a positive one....literally!

Egg Retrieval Day

We made it to Egg Retrieval!

Brian and I got to the clinic at 6:15 this morning. We were the first on the schedule, so we had the place to ourselves. My nurse was the same one that took care of me in August, so she teased me that she was going to call me Jenni Kenny if I misbehaved! We went thru all the paperwork, I got changed into a very fashionable gown, and then they went to work trying to get the IV in. Remembering from last time what a chore it was, the nurse decided not even to try and have the anesthesiologist do it.

So, in comes the anesthesiologist and he tries to get my veins to cooperate to no avail. He tried everything....laying me flat, hanging my hands down, thumping away, hot compresses, etc all while sticking me several times. He finally had success on my left, but the vein wasn't flowing good. So, back to the right. Finally, we had success and into the cold OR I go.

The procedure was quick and easy, only lasting about 45 minutes. The next thing I knew, I was back in recovery listening to Dr. G tell us I did great and they retrieved 20 eggs!!! Yep, 20 eggs! He also said that he wanted to infuse me with a bag of Hetastarch which is a medication used to reduce the likelihood of OHSS (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) which is bad, bad, bad. So, we got to hang out for another hour or so, chat with the nurses, and drink gatorade.

Now, I'm just resting at home. I feel really good...just super bloated and a little anxious for tomorrow. Tomorrow, we'll get the call letting us know how the eggs fertilized. So, we're keeping our fingers crossed for a good fertilization report. I have a brand new batch of meds that I start tonight (Medrol, Estrace, Progestrone, and an antibiotic)....no shots! Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we enter into another phase of cooking up our very own McMiracle!

Triggering Tonight!

Yahoo! We just got the call saying everything looks great and we're triggering tonight for a Tuesday Egg Retrieval (ER)!

So, tonight Brian will give me the trigger shot at exactly 7pm. The trigger will start the final maturation process of the eggs. Brian starts a dose of antibiotics tonight and I start tomorrow night. The ER will be on Tuesday morning at 7am!

So, what's next??? We're moving out of the action part of the cycle. I won't know what to do with no morning monitoring appointments, no shots, no blood draws. After the retrieval, we'll know how many eggs we have. Then, the embryologist will work on fertilizing the eggs with Brian's sperm in a procedure called ICSI (pronounced Ick-see). ICSI is an acronym for intracytoplasmic sperm injection - which is a long, fancy way of saying "inject sperm into the middle of the egg".

ICSI is a very effective method to get fertilization of eggs in the IVF lab after they have been retrieved. IVF with ICSI involves the use of specialized micromanipulation tools and equipment and inverted microscopes that enable embryologists to select and then pick up individual sperms in a tiny specially designed hollow ICSI needle. Then the needle is carefully advanced through the outer shell of the egg and egg membrane and the sperm is then injected into the inner part (cytoplasm) of the egg. This will usually result in normal fertilization in approximately 70-85% of eggs injected with viable sperm. Wow, talk about high tech, huh?!? At first, we had some concerns originally that ICSI went a bit against natural selection, but the embryologist says it’s actually better. If they just put the eggs and sperm in a dish, the egg could be fertilized by the sperm that is CLOSEST to the egg but not necessarily the strongest. In natural conditions, the closest sperm probably would be the strongest because it would have traveled the furthest, etc. With ICSI, they’re mimicking this process to some extent by choosing the strongest, most normally shaped

After that, we will get a call on Wednesday to let us know how many of the embryos fertilized. Then, we will get daily phone updates letting us know how our embies are doing. Please keep the positive thoughts and prayers coming! We still have a long way to go, but we are making positive progress.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Brian and I carved pumpkins last night....he did the dog and I did the super basic smiley face. We've always had a tradition of carving pumpkins and this year was no different. However, this year we scooped out the guts, washed our hands, Brian gave me shot #1 and then we finished up the carving and then did shot #2!

Gotta love the 7:00am appointments at the RE's office. Yup, we were there bright and early! Here's the latest stats:

E2: 1833

Follicles: I'll be honest...I've lost count. Right now, I don't really care about the quantity....we're paying more attention to the size. My largest follie is 19mm and the rest are between 12-17. The hope is to get some of the smaller ones a bit larger. A follicle is considered mature when they are between 16-20mm. So, we're getting really close.

Med List: All the same...but amounts have decreased to 75 units of Follistim and 75 units of Menopur. Ganirelix stays the same. We're keeping our fingers crossed that today is our last night of stims.

What's Next: If all looks good tomorrow, I'll get the go ahead to give the HCG trigger shot. HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) is given to cause final maturation of the eggs and help the egg to release from the wall of the follicle for easier aspiration during the Egg Retrieval (ER). Then, 36 hours later I will go in for the ER. Click here to learn more about the Egg Retrieval Process.

Ok...since it's Halloween....here's my belly shot....it's a scary, bloated sight. My arms match pretty well too, thanks to the daily blood draws!

Another good appointment

We were at the RE's office again this morning. We got more good news....we're starting to feel spoiled!

Follicle Count: 9 on the right and 8 on the left. The count is a bit lower because some of the follicles haven't caught up with the others. So, we have 17 that are almost mature. My lead follicle (the biggest) is almost 18mm now. My lining is up to 10....a perfect 10!

E2 level: 773

Drug List: all still the same...nothing new. Ganirelix comes in a pre-filled syringe. We decided it's a crappy needle. Brian had to stick me 3 times before the needle finally went in. Good grief! We've never had a problem before...go figure!

We go in tomorrow for another E2 draw and sonogram. We also will have our pre-op with Dr. Wachs which means were getting close to our Egg Retrieval (ER). We're thinking Sunday or Monday, but will know more after tomorrow.

I'm still feeling good...just super tired. I'm really feeling my ovaries tonight....borderline sore...but not bad. Today was really the first day that I felt completely overwhelmed. I had a million thoughts racing thru my mind. I bounce between excited, hopeful, scared, and terrified. I've really been battling fears of getting pregnant, only to endure another loss.

My faith has certainly been tested throughout the last 2 years. But, I still believe that there is a reason for everything and that God is in control. He knows the desire in our hearts, but that doesn't mean our prayers will be answered just as we ask them to be. But I do know that in the end, everything will be OK.

I keep reminding myself of the many blessing we have received throughout this process. God will bless us in one way or another. Instead of worrying about the possibilities, I'll remember the victories, no matter how small; like how my amazing husband and I have learned to communicate so much better than ever before; Brett, Marlo and Heather who have been simply incredible throughout; our amazing doctors and nurses; support from "my girls" on the internet; kind emails from family and friends just when we need them most; and the simple fact that we're able to be on this journey in the first place thanks to my medical coverage thru Crate.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."-Melody Beattie

Reason # 925

How do I love my RE...let me count the ways?!?!

She called me at 8:30pm tonight to check in on us, see how we were doing, and let us know that everything was looking great! Yeah....this was after my nurse called this afternoon and told us the same thing.

I have been so impressed by this clinic. They are great and have done exactly what they say they are going to do....how often do you find that in a medical office?!!?

They have been such a blessing and have really made this experience much smoother for us.

Still going strong

Another 7am visit to the RE's office this morning.

Follicle Count: 14 on the right and 9 on the left.....23 total! They are measuring between 10 and 14mm right now. The goal is to get them up to 18-21mm to be considered mature (think dime thru nickel in size). My lining looks great!

E2 level: still look good...rising like it should

Drug List: all the same, just adding in Ganirelix tonight....the antagonist to keep me from ovulating...yeap...another shot! I have to give this one between 10 and 11pm....so Brian's going to wake me up and give me the shot in bed!

Still feeling good, but starting to feel a lot of action in my ovaries! Yippeee! There's about 24 times more going on in there than normal, since women typically only ovulate 1 follicle per month.The normal ovary is about the size of an almond. By the time of the egg retrival, mine will be about the size of a grapefruit. So, I guess it would be like the size of a tomoto now, right? The follicles actually grow on the outside of the ovary. The RE used the analogy of a water blister since the follicle is a fluid filled sac on the outside of the ovary that contains the egg.

Next follie scan is on Thursday. Egg retrival is still tentatively scheduled for Monday, 11/2.

Brunch Date

In our journey with infertility, I have found a few really great resources on-line. The best resource that I have found is from an Infertility message board. It's a place for women who are under going ART (assisted reproductive technology). It's a place where people can ask questions, vent frustrations, and offer support. I've been on the board since the beginning of the year once we received our diagnosis and realized our dreams of having a baby weren't going to be easy.

These women are the most knowledgeable and supportive group of women who I have ever "met". I think what has been the most helpful to me it that they all "get it". They understand, first hand, the fears, frustrations, doubts, and insecurities that infertility brings. It's reassuring to learn from their experiences, bounce ideas off of them, and to realize what you are feeling is the same as what others going thru this roller coaster are experiencing.

There are a handful of us from Northern CA, so we decided to meet in person for brunch. It was a morning full of laughter, encouragement, and sharing. Three of us go to the same clinic, so we compared notes. We are already planning our next get-together after the first of the year.

Cindy, Betsy, me, Anna, and Stacy

Progressing Nicely!

We were at the RE's office bright and early this morning for our first ultrasound and E2 draw since starting stims. Amazingly, everything is going right as it should be! I have 6 follies on the right ovary and 7 on the left ovary. My lining is a bit thin...so the nurse isn't worried....yet. She said it's thin but not abnormally so for this point in my cycle. It should be thickening up this week. The lining measured a 5 and they like to see anything over 8. We'll keep our fingers crossed...our little embroyos need a nice, cushiony bed for their 9-month stay!

I'm feeling pretty good....I'm just really tired. But, my body is working overtime making those eggs. Typically, women only ovulate 1 follicle per month...I have 13...possibly more....growing! Brian is doing a great job with the shots and we have the hang of mixing the Menopur down pat.

I go in on Tuesday for my next follie scan/blood draw. Until then, all meds will remain the same. Here's the list: Follistim, Menopur, Baby Asprin, and PreNatal Vitamin.

Off again...On again!

You're never going to believe this....

Sunday.....cycle was canceled due to high E2 levels

Monday AM....RE called and left message saying she reviewed my bloodwork and sono and it looks like I ovulated thru the BCP and Lupron. She called me a "super ovulator" and that my body wants to do what it wants to do. So, she's changed my protocol for the next attempt. She said to call with my period shows up, most likely with in the next week or so.

Monday PM...Period shows up, so I call my nurse. She schedules ultrasound and blood drawfor the morning.

Tuesday AM...Sono looks great! Now just waiting for blood results

Tuesday PM...Nurse calls and says, "you're starting stims tomorrow!" E2 was down to 23.4! Yahoo.....

So, we are in shock but so excited! We are starting our stimulating hormone injections tomorrow night. We're calling this IVF# 1.3! My protocol has been changed since my body just laughs at Lupron. I'm using a Antagonist protocol. If you want to read more about it, here a good, easy to understand explanation: antangonist protocol

Everything is going to happen really fast....I start stims tomorrow and have a tentative egg retrieval (ER) on Monday, 11/2. We are excited and so hopeful! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

There is a God...

Thanks to Nadya Suleman, the number 1 question we get from people who learn we are doing fertility treatments is, "so, are you going to be the next octomom?". HaHa...so not funny... needless to say, I can't stand that woman.

I stumbled across this article and said, "it's about time!". You see, her doctor was kicked out of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the main infertility professional organization.
Thank God...I just hope the State of California takes it one step further and revokes his medical license.

And...we're canceled

My E2 level was 98, so my cycle has been canceled again. I talked to the on-call nurse today, so I don't have a lot of information. But, for some reason, my body isn't responding to Lupron.

My regular RE is on-route to Atlanta to attend an infertility conference. So, she should be calling me in the next day or so to review and make a plan. I'm sure there will be a change in my protocol. We're just really bummed and disappointed right now.

I was reading a infertlity blog the other day and I think she said it best: "It would be so much easier to deal with infertility if there was a clear end somewhere down the line. If I knew that in one year, or two years, I would be pregnant. Or if I could see that I could be happy with another sort of “resolution” to this situation. It is most certainly easier to live through any sort of crisis when the end is in sight, no matter how far away that end might be. Infertility is not a guaranteed “temporary” situation. That is why it is scary and sad and overwhelming. That is why sometimes it feels like we are banging our heads against a brick wall, again and again. If I were to think about other challenging or unfortunate scenarios, even if they are pretty damn bad, all might have that “end game” component–and infertility just doesn’t."

Another Setback

So, the hits just keep on coming. Seriously, just when we think we have something moving along, we get postponed. I went in this morning for my sonogram and E2(estrogen) draw. Turns out, I have a small cyst leftover from my last cycle that didn't go down as much as it should and my E2 level is elevated. So, not starting stims as planned.

For now, I will remain on Lupron for a while. Lupron is the devil. It's giving me gnarly headaches that Tylenol just laughs at, lumps at the injection site, and hot flashes. So, after this, menopause should be a cakewalk for me!

I go in on Sunday for another sono and E2 draw. Please pray for shrinkage of the cyst and an E2 level below 75.

Let's get this party started!

Remember this box...and how excited I was to get it???
Remember the contents???

If not....click here to read all about it! Remember, now???

Well, tonight we got to finally start using the contents! As Brian said, "we finally get to do shots to get this party started!". So, I played chief mixologist and drew up the Lupron from it's vial like a seasoned veteran. Without much fanfare, Brian served it up and I chased the shot with a Birth Control Pill and Prenatal Vitamins. Quite the concoction, huh?!? We were both so much more confident than our last injectable cycle. But hey, this isn't our first rodeo!

So, what's next? I remain on Birth Control thru Sunday. Then, I continue with Lupron until the 15th, when I will go in for my suppression check to determine if my E2(estrogen) level is suppressed sufficiently and my ovaries are "quiet". Basically, I'm being put into a medical menopause. If all looks good, I'll continue on with the Lupron and start the stimulating hormones. My RE said she wanted to play with my dose a little more this go around, since she knows that I'm a quick responder. Hey, what can I say??? I have rock star ovaries! So, she said that we'll talk more on the 15th to make sure that we are all on the same page with my protocol. Can I say again how impressed I am with my clinic?

Fall Decorations

We had a great weekend! We took an impromtu trip into San Fran to visit some friends on Saturday and then we were just plain lazy on Sunday. I finished the Fall decorations and Bri bought me flowers...

IVF 1.2 Update

So, not much to report...I'm back on Birth Control Pills (BCP) to start supressing my ovaries. Here's a rough calendar of events:

9/29: Start BCP (to supress my ovaries)
10/8: Start Injections of Lupron (to further supress ovaries)
10/15: Supression Check/Basline Sonogram; E2 draw (estrogen levels)
10/16: Start Stimulation Hormone Injections (Stims); continue with Lupron
10/20: Morning Monitoring Begins (sonogram and E2 draws)
10/28: Tentative Egg Retrival (could change up to +/- 1 week based response to stims
10/29: Fertilizatio Report
11/2: 5 day transfer

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month. On October 15th, everyone who has lost a baby or knows someone who has lost a baby is invited to light a candle in remembrance at 7pm local time. Please consider doing this and encouraging others to participate as well. There are local candlelit walks around the country. Check out this link for more information.

This just might be my worst fear....

Click here to read more

When you decide to go forward with IVF, a million things run thru your mind. After the initial questions about the injections, side effects and procedures, we asked our doctors how they ensure the embroyos aren't mistakely mixed up. Our clinic goes to great lengths to ensure mix ups like this don't happen. Our little embroyos will receive their own shelf in the incubator. The embrologist will work exclusively with our embroyos from start to finish. Everything is color coded. So, I have no worries. But still, stories like this scare the *hit out of us.

Autumn is in the Air...for now!

Days like this get me all excited for Fall....cooler temperatures (ok...it was 75 today...but that's cooler than what it has been, right?!?), gray cloudy skies, long walks in the park, football and pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks. The temperatures are supposed to heat back up. But, right now, I'm really enjoying it and it reminds me that Fall is close!

We had a very lazy day....we watched football....go Niners! The team seems to be shaping up nicely this year.....can't wait to see how they develop! I took down the Fall decorations and put a few up....I couldn't resist. Besides, the 1st day of autumn is next week, so I'm not THAT early.

I was in a baking mood, so I baked some Bannana Crumb Muffins. Check them out on my new food blog.

Belle recovered from her bee sting, so we went for a long walk thru the park. We saw our neighbors who commented on how much they liked the fact that Brian ripped out the juniper. We agree...it looks so much better!

Eventually we'll have landscaping...one step at a time, right?

I'll close this very random post with a Sunday Song...
Wake me Up When September Ends

Beautiful Sunset

I was driving home and noticed what a beautiful sunset it was. So, I snapped some pictures in our front yard. I was trying to show off some of Brian's handi-work....but it was too dark to get any good shots. You can sorta see that the brick planters are empty....aka the juniper and bush trees are gone!!! I'll try to get some more pictures tomorrow. Enjoy the sunset...

Never Forget

May we never forget.....God Bless Us all!

Sunday Song

My music post got several positive responses....so, I thought I would start posting a Sunday Song. Since Brian and I are gearing up for IVF 1.2 right now, infertility is on our mind. I ran across this video and thought I'd share

Infertility Is

Post-Op Follow-Up

We met with the RE today and reviewed the pictures from my surgery. It was pretty cool to be able to see the inside of my uterus and the openings of both fallopian tubes. We were able to see the polyps and the wavy scar tissue that was removed. We'll never know what caused the scar tissue, or if it may have been a contributing factor to my miscarriage. The results should be back from pathology in another week or so, but we're not expecting anything abnormal.

Everything seems to be healing properly, so I will continue on Estrogen for 2 more weeks. Then, I'll add in Provera (progesterone) for a week to trigger a bleed. After I get a menstrual cycle, I'll go back on birth control and start the process for IVF 1.2! We're keeping our fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and we can start stims in October. We're hoping that this effort will produce the best 37th birthday gift possible come July....our long awaited baby!

Too much sharing...

Lately, Brian and I have been struggling about just how much to share about our infertility struggles and if it's something that we want to blog about at all. After going back and forth for a while, we've decided that we are going to continue to blog about all the ups and downs of it all. Here's why:

• It's part of our history as a couple. It's a story of innocence lost, but also a strength and determination that has been gained through our journey as a couple. We are different people now than we were before, and I think it is a positive change in many ways. We take nothing for granted, we cherish every moment possible, and we put ourselves, our marriage, and our new family first. We know what it is to struggle, to cry, and to want something so badly that comes so naturally to so many couples.
• It's a great way to be able to educate our family and friends about what we're going thru. So much is misunderstood about IVF and we hope that they can learn along of us.
• Someday, when our emotions aren't so raw, we will be able to use our story to help other's going thru simliar experiences
• To document our struggle, so that when the time comes to share our story with our children, they will never have any doubt about how much they were wanted! We want them to know that we were fighting for them before they were born and always will fight for them.

Lovin' the Today Show Lately

I'm out of the house by 6am every weekend morning, so I never get to see the Today Show. However,thanks to the Internet, I'm able to view segments on their website. My message board was all abuzz with talk about 2 segments recently. So, I pulled the up and thought they were well done and wanted to share them.

This morning's segment was about Miscarriage. Click here to view segment

I thought it was very well done. I'm glad that the media is bringing this taboo subject out in the open and doing it with an open and honest piece such as this. Having a miscarriage 14 months ago, I can clearly indentify with this subject. My innocence is gone and now that we are struggling to concieve again, I'm just downright terrified that it could happen again.

The other segment was regarding what to do with leftover frozen embroyos Click Here to View Segment

This was a good segment. However, I hate that the Octomom now has EVERYONE saying that the embroyos are implanted...GRRR... That is the hopeful outcome, but the doctors transfer the embroyos, they don't implant them. Implantation can only be done by the embroyos themselves.

Brian and I had to sign consent forms before starting our IVF cycle that disclosed our wishes. We had to discuss what to do with the leftover embroyos if we don't wish to have more children, if we divorce, if one of us dies, and finally, if both of us die. Talk about great dinner time conversation....NOT! After promising that we wouldn't have each other's "ghost babies", we decided that we would donate the embroyos to science if we divorce or are seperated by death. If we both die, our embroyos will be put up for adoption to another couple. They were difficult conversations to have, but we feel confident in our decisions.

Surgery Update

It's never good when your waking up from anesthesia and hear your doctor say "now don't worry...but there's been a change of plans..."!

I'm 2 days post-surgery and feeling better....not 100% yet...but better. My 20 minute procedure turned into 1.5 hours thanks to some scar tissue that they found at the top of my uterus. Thankfully they were able to remove it and find good tissue, but it was just another unexpected twist. Because the surgery was more invasive than planned, our IVF cycle was canceled....off the BCP and on mega doses of estrogen now! I have a follow up visit with the RE on Wednesday. She said we'd talk more about when to plan IVF 1.2! More news to come....

Special Delivery!

Our big box of drugs finally arrived! Brian joked after we placed the order with the pharmacy that they were going to be delivered on a pallet! I was strangely excited to finally be opening the box of drugs that we have been discussing with our doctor for what seems like months.
The box's contents were a mix of injectable medications and pills, along with a wide variety of needles and syringes. I had a brief "freak-out" moment when I opened the bag of 18 gauge 1-1/2 inch long needles....it looked mean and like it could hurt...majorily. (Thanks, Trish for calming my fears....I learned today that size is just used for mixing...no injections....phew!)

The drugs in the picture above total just over $4,000. Brian and I are so thankful that Crate&Barrel is head-quartered in Illinois, a state that mandates IVF coverage. Most states, including California, do not mandate coverage for IVF. Thankfully, my insurance picked up over 3/4 of the cost of the drugs and 90% of the IVF procedures. Otherwise, there would be no way that we could afford IVF.

Moving on...

Dear Family and Friends,

We wanted to give everyone an update on journey to become parents. As most of you know, we have been trying since October of 2007. We have been working with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (aka infertility specialist) since January of this year. We have tried a number of lower tech procedures with no success. After taking a break from treatments this summer to mend our broken hearts, we have decided to move forward with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).

What is IVF? Simply stated, IVF involves collecting eggs and sperm and placing them together in a laboratory dish for fertilization. Days later, the microscopic embryos are transferred into the uterus where implantation and pregnancy will hopefully occur, as in a normal pregnancy.The IVF procedure usually occurs over a 6-week time span. Here’s a good link that explains exactly what happens during an IVF cycle. http://www.rscbayarea.com/assisted_reproductive_technology_art/countdown_to_ivf.html

IVF was always something that was way out in the future...the last resort.....the end of the insurance coverage....the final chance. We feel very lucky that we have insurance coverage to cover a large majority of the $13,000 fee….most couples don’t. Like most infertility patients, we are fighting fear and doubt with our optimism and hope. We know our chances of success are higher (@50%) than anything we have tried before, but there is always the possibility that it might not work. Even a perfect cycle may not lead to conception. But it could, and that's good enough for us.

I started birth control pills (BCP) this week to get the process started. It’s crazy….I know. But BCP will start suppressing my ovaries so that they can then be kick-started with mega doses of hormones to produce multiple eggs. I will be having an out-patient surgery procedure on the 26th to do some baby factory remodeling. Then, the search will begin for the perfect tenant(s) who would like to sign a 9 month lease!!

Brian and I feel very humbled that we are able to watch and learn as my body goes through changes and steps to help create the miracle of life. It is just extraordinary. We have a great team of doctors, nurses, and embryologists on our side. I'm reminded everyday that God has given us many tools and technology, but in the end, He is the greatest physician. He is the creator of life, and He alone can make this happen.

We have experienced so many ups and downs along our journey. We so desperately want to be parents. With infertility treatments there is so little that is sacred, secret or special. We want and need to talk about it with our family and friends. Your questions guide us and help us make our decisions, your encouragement helps us take another step forward, and your listening ear reminds us that we are not alone. We invite your prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes. I’ll be updating our blog periodically with updates on the progress of our IVF journey (www.jbkennyfamily.blogspot.com). IVF is often misunderstood and we hope that you can learn along side of us. Rest assured that we will keep you all posted when we're ready to share the news (good or bad)!

Relay for Life

I just got home a bit ago from participating in Relay for Life, a 24-hour relay fundraising event for the American Cancer Society. I'm very sleepy as I write this, as I have been at the Relay for the past 24 hours and only got about 1 hour of sleep in a lawn chair. But, it was such a great experience, that I had to share!


Together with 10 co-workers from Crate, I spent the last 24 hours Celebrating survivors who have won their battle with cancer,

Joelle and Lucy are finishing up the Survivor Lap. Lucy is a 4 year survivor of Thyroid Cancer. Joelle will be finishing her treatments in July for Melanoma

Fighting Back by walking approximately 15 miles while representing my team, who raised $4,500 all together, on the track,

We earned recognition as a Bronze level team for our efforts!

Remembering those who have sadly lost their battle with this terrible disease.

Naquisha getting ready to do the Bra Lap in memory of her Grannie.

Like all my team-mates, I have never participated in anything like this before. We weren't really sure what to expect. Mother Nature tested our dedication with a wet and stormy start to the day. However, we all unanimously agreed that Relay will become an annual event.

The Girl Power portion of the team: me, Joelle, Naquisha, Casey and Jana...we took turns walking thru-out the night!

Our Campsite...complete with our educational posters wrapped in plastic protection from the rain!

Thank you to all of you who sent in donations. Thank you especially to Brian and Heather for coming to spend part of the day with me. It was great having you there to support the team!

Ariel walking at 6:30 Sunday morning

INFERTILITY GUIDE FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS

While I didn't write the words below, I could have. This was posted on one of the message boards I frequent. I thought it would be the perfect way to end NIAW. It's lenghty, but oh-so-true.
_____________________________________________________________________________

I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don't understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear
that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.

You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed,
angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled. My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I've spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can't conceive. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing. I
feel confused about whether I want to be pregnant or whether I want to be a parent. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby.

My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I'd been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family?

My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I'm frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I'm never a parent? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can't my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why
do I hurt so much? I'm afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.

My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible is my pain. Even though I'm usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises. I think I'm
losing perspective. I feel so alone and I wonder if I'll survive this.

My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a
baby? Is this the end of my family lineage? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed.

My infertility makes me feel angry. Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I'm angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I've always taken care of it. I'm angry at my partner because we can't seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I'm angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I
impress on them how important parenting is to me? I'm angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive.

Finally, I'm angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much.

My infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I've lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I've never cried so much nor so easily. I'm sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I'm sad that my infertility requires me to be so self-centered. I'm sad that I've ignored many friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children. I'm surrounded by babies,
pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids' movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless.

My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can't decide about education, career, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The
more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I
take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees.

Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I'm learning some helpful ways to cope; I'm now convinced I'm not crazy, and I believe I'll survive. I'm learning to listen to my body and to be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I'm realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I'm trying to be more than
an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life.

You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes you sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. Maybe some of these hints will help us to better understand infertility.

I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It's difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don't tell me of all the worse
things that have happened to others or how easily someone else's
infertility was solved. Every case is individual. Please don't just give advice; instead, guide me with your questions. Assure me that you respect my confidences, and then be certain that you deserve my trust. While listening try to maintain an open mind.

I need you to be supportive. Understand that my decisions aren't made casually, I've agonized over them. Remind me that you respect these decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully. Don't ask me, "Are you sure?" Repeatedly remind me that you love me no matter what. I need to hear it so badly. Let me know you understand that this is very hard work. Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations. Perhaps you can suggest resources. You might also need support for yourself, and I fear I'm unable to provide it for you;
please don't expect me to do so. Help me to keep sight of my goal.

I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won't, but it will remind me that you care.

I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn't seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don't tease me with remarks like, "You don't seem to know how to do it." Don't trivialize my struggle by saying, "I'd be glad to give you
one of my kids." It's no comfort to hear empty reassurances like, "You'll be a parent by this time next year." Don't minimize my feelings with, "You shouldn't be so unhappy." For now, don't push me into uncomfortable situations like baby showers or family reunions. I
already feel sad and guilty; please don't also make me feel guilty for disappointing you.

I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don't understand, say so. Please be gentle when you guide me to be realistic about things I can't change such as my age, some medical conditions, financial resources, and employment obligations. Don't hide information about others' pregnancies from me. Although such news makes me feel very sad, it feels worse when you leave me out.

I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me if they aren't based on fact. Be well informed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don't let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt.
Don't tell me this is God's will. Don't ask me to justify my need to parent. Don't criticize my course of action or my choice of physician even though I may do that myself. Reassure yourself that I am also searching for plenty of information which helps me make more
knowledgeable decisions about my options.

I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no "quickie" choices. My needs change; my choices change. Yesterday I demanded privacy, but today I need you for strength. You have many feelings about infertility, and I do too. Please allow me to have anger, joy, sadness, and hope. Don't minimize or evaluate my feelings. Just allow me to have them, and give me time.

I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge. My personal privacy has repeatedly been invaded. I've been subjected to postcoital exams, semen collection in waiting room bathrooms, and tests in rooms next to labor rooms. Enjoyable experiences with you such as a lunch date, a
shopping trip, or a visit to a museum help me feel normal.

Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying. Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.

Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away because it will change my life. I won't be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave
the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision-making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding.

National Infertility Awareness Week starts today!

Today marks the start of National Infertility Awareness Week. This has made me think a lot about my story. My life story.You see, my life story seems to be turning out a little differently than I had planned. From the time I was young, I just assumed that I would get married, live in a nice house, have babies and become a good mother. So far I have ticked off the husband, and the house. But the babies and motherhood have not been so easy to tick off.

At this point my life story seems to have veered rapidly off the course that I had planned. No where in my life story had I expected to be confronted with infertility...or to be stuck in a never ending cycle of hope and despair... or to watch all my friends become mothers while I watched on .

So now, I need to rectify the "old life story" and my "real life story." There is quite a discrepancy between the two. I am starting to realise that my "real life story" isn't a worse one, it is just a different one.

It is a story in which I have discovered the true meaning of love...hanging in there through the difficult times with Brian, and trying to make the most of our imperfect lives together. Yes, we have been tested, but we have grown stronger, as a couple, as a result.

It is a story of endurance...Persevering just when I thought I couldn't take another step forward.

It is a story of honesty...Coming to terms with our physical and psychological imperfections.

It is a story of friendship...Realising that I have amazing friends who care for me, and will support and guide me through this. Heather and Marlo have been my rock. Thank you for letting me crying, letting me laugh, not being afraid to ask questions, the phone calls, the prayers, and the never ending support. It means more than you will ever know.

It is a story of compassion...I have experienced compassion from many of you, my friends and family. I have also developed a deeper level of compassion.

It is a story of forgiveness...Forgiving friends and family when they make unhelpful comments, or when they aren't as supportive as I had expected.

It is a story of strength...Learning to walk tall through the nightmare of infertility.

It is a story of courage...Being brave enough to put my heart on the line and try infertility treatments, even if they don't work out.

It is a story of patience...Learning that God's delays aren't necessarily God's denials.

And finally, it is a story of hope...Believing that God has a plan for me in this mess, and that one day I will come through.

Perhaps like me, your life story has turned out differently to what you had imagined. But I think it is still a beautiful story.

Let's Get You Knocked Up

"Let's get you knocked up!"....That's what my doctor told me as she performed our 2nd IUI today. Brian and I both love her. She is kind, compassionate, witty, down to earth, and not afraid to tell it to us straight. I shared with her my fears of this not working again and needing to know what the next steps might be since I tend to worry. Without batting an eye, she went over what she thought the next logical steps would be (surgery to remove my polyps and then injectable meds that are more powerful to stimulate my ovaries even more).

While I can't say that I look forward to the prospect of having surgery or having to give myself shots in the belly, we walked away feeling better. We have a plan...just in case. I go in for a beta (Blood Pregnancy Test) in 2 weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for us! We are cautiously optimistic...we've been let down before....but we have no reason not to think this won't work.

Have to share this video that I stumbled across a while back. Some of you have seen it. It perfectly sums up the journey that Brian and I are on right now. If you have a few extra minutes, I encourage you to watch it.

http://www.tearsandhope.com/

Cute...but not for us!

So, I saw this onsie and laughed! When Brian and I have our baby, it would never be able to wear this. Some how, "chemically processed and artificially inseminated" doesn't have the same ring to it!

National Infertility Awareness Week is coming up at the end of the month. I've decided to write a little about our experience each Friday leading up to NIAW. Brian and I are first in our circle of family and friends to have a diagnosis of infertility. We have decided to be as open as possible with our struggles to create a family.

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples. It's hard to explain what we are feeling and dealing with to someone who hasn't experienced it for themselves. I read an article that likened infertility to reverse grief. When someone dies, you mourn for them. Slowly, as time passes, the grief lessens. With infertility, it is the opposite. Slowly, as time passes, the grief intensifies.

Many of our friends have told us that don't know what to do or say. Sometimes there isn't really anything you can say that is going to make the situation better. A simple hug and "I'm praying for you" truly goes a long way!

Infertility Etiquette - this article by RESOLVE will help to explain what to say and not say. Please don't blindly hand out advice. "Just relax and Stay Positive" is the most ridiculous thing to say to anyone. Remember that infertility is a medical condition. If someone broke their arm you would not say, "just relax, think positive, and it will heal." No, you would take them immediately to the emergency room.