"Everything she ever wanted, all those dreams and now they're finally here...God is smilin' down on them tonight, and she wants to stay right here, make it last for a hundred more years." -Francesca Battistelli
I recently read on one of my favorite blogs the following excerpt that put my feeling about this Mother's Day...my first Mother's Day.....into words...precisely....
"The great Chinese philosophy of yin and yang describes how opposing forces are,
in effect, interconnected and give rise to each other. Complementary
opposites constantly interacting yet part of a greater, beautiful whole. And yet, if I
look back at every era in our life, it's always the same way.....Good and
beautiful moments followed by trying and sad. Complex hurdles and challenges
balanced perfectly with simple happy days. Intricate layers of learning and
knowing, feeling and being, moving forward and being content to simply reside in
the moment. And I don't think I'd have it any other way. I love the simple, the
good, the happy. But without the trying, the complex, the sad, the good just
wouldn't seem as good and there would be no propelling forward...to the better
us we will be every day."
It's a deep pondering....but so true and fitting. The simple, the good, the
happy. The trying, the complex, the sad. If I had only known during those long
months, turned into years, of waiting just how much my life would change. Sara
brought us a love and sense of completeness that I never could have dreamed
possible; that I truly didn't even realize I was missing. Never would I have
thought I'd be "that mom" who has reservations about taking a night off to have
a quick dinner out, sans baby. Never would I have thought that close to a year
would pass without any desire to drop Sara off with the grandparents for a
weekend so Brian and I could get away and have sometime to ourselves. I never
understood "those moms" who say, "It's been 3 years and I still haven't been
away from my kid overnight." I get it now.
I massively underestimated the love a mother feels for her child. I mean, you hear about it and think, "Yeah. Okay" but you are definitely not prepared for it until it happens. And I, without a doubt, underestimated the amount that love would grow exponentially each day. It truly gets better and better. I'll be the first to admit, in those first few months, I was sort of in shock. I guess I just couldn't believe that after all we had gone thru, she was finally here...and she was ours....and she was P.E.R.F.E.C.T. But after the shock wore off and we got to know each other, oh my God, I wonder how I ever lived without her. Yes, I remember what life was like before. Of course I do. But how did I ever truly live without all the pieces to my heart?
All I can say is that she was worth every single shot, every single breakdown, every minute of despair and uncertainty, every one of the tears shed. Worth it and then some. I am the luckiest.....blessed beyond measure. Thanks, all of you, for walking through this journey with me. What an incredible journey it's been. I have grown and I am better for the road we traveled. My yin and yang...
So, Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all of the other moms out there. I celebrate the mothers who are no longer with us, the brand new moms, the mothers-to-be, and also the women who are desperate to become mothers and their unbelievable courage. Happy Mother's Day!
