Precious little one,


For almost 40 weeks now, you have been growing in my belly and have provided me with so many wonderful days as your daddy and I have thought about the moment that we meet you. Soon, your daddy and I will be heading to the hospital and you will enter our lives and we will be able to touch you, hold you, cuddle with you. That, I believe, is truly the best blessing of all of this.

I will miss watching you grow in my belly - seeing every ultrasound, hearing every heartbeat. But, what we look forward to more is seeing you grow up in front of our eyes. Watching you as you smile for the first time, as you take your first steps, your first Mardi Gras parade, your first day of school, the day you take your driver's test, the day you meet your own partner.

I know we'll experience other firsts together too...the first sleepless nights, the first cold, the first trip to the emergency room, and your first broken heart. And, while I know these first won't be nearly as fun, I can honestly say that these tearful firsts will be so much better than the many tears I cried crying myself to sleep waiting for you to come to us!

I want to teach and show you so many things. I want to teach you about what true love is and show you through example of the love that your dad and I share. I want to teach you about the glory of our Almighty God and the power and wonder that He has. I hope to instill in you a love of the outdoors, the beauty of Nature. I know your daddy can't wait to teach you a thing or two about VWs.

Please know that you were created with love and determination of two parents committed to giving you the best life possible and raising you in the happiest home we can. I just want to be a good mommy to you and daddy to be a good daddy to you. I can't wait to see your daddy's face as the doctor hands you to us. In that moment, I will know that every needle stick, every tear, every doubt, every crushing blow, every fear, every doctor visit, every moment of longing.... it will all have been worth it as tomorrow, two things I have wanted so very badly will happen: I will make my handsome, sweet husband a father, and I will be your mommy.

I love you forever,
Your Mommy

Dear Little One,

Wow....37 weeks! I can't believe we are nearing the culumnation of 2 1/2 years of hoping, and dreaming, and praying...of longing so badly that it felt like the breath was being sucked out of your daddy and I.

And then you came to us, bringing us healing...true, precious, life-infusing healing. We have shared thirty-seven weeks of amazing changes and sensations and memories that served to help wipe the slate clean. I don't think I'll ever completely forget the pain and sadness of infertility. Somehow having this most amazing experience of watching you grow and change in my belly makes me ache even more for my friends enduring failed treatments and adoption attempts. But, it's also made me a better person and a better friend, for I'm no longer afraid to cry with them or ask the tough questions.

Have I mentioned that I've loved being pregnant? If there was one tiny shred of redemption that came from infertility it is that I was able to cherish this pregnancy, to love every last fleeting second of it.....and to see it for the miracle that it really is.

When i pictured my life, this journey was so very different from anything I imagined. I never saw infertility or IVF or specialists. But not every road is perfectly straight and paved. Some are gravel and curvy and have unexpected detours. But you know what? Sometimes those roads lead you to the most beautiful places, and even though it may have taken you longer to get there, you appreciate the destination more because of it.

Keep growing big and strong...the world is waiting for you!

your mommy

Baby Showers

Mini Kenny's nursery is filling up.....thanks to the generosity of family, friends and co-workers. I had 2 showers this past week....one I knew about and one that was a complete surprise.

Marlo and Jenn threw a lovely shower at my mom's house on June 26th. Mini is super lucky to be so loved by friends and family already. We were showered with beautiful and thoughtful gifts....Mini is one spoiled kid already! Here's some pictures from the day:

Game time

Cutest cake ever....made by my college friend, Jenn

Diaper Cake Centerpiece made by Marlo

Loving Lemonade these days!

The port-a-crib was my mom's as a baby. I can't wait for Mini to use it!

Then, on July 2nd, my co-workers threw a surprise shower for me. I was deeply touched by their generosity.....they basically completed our registry for us. Wow!

36 week updates

We're in the home stretch now! How did that happen?!?! At my appointment today, Dr. Wells let me know that we have a BIG baby on our hands. He is proposing that we deliver 1-2 weeks early. Since I really don't care how I deliver, we are going to keep an open mind over the next weeks and see what happens. I'm only 1 cm dilated and Mini is still having fun floating around (i.e. still REALLY high), so conditions might not be favorable for an early induction. If so, Mini might come via c-section. Dr. Wells isn't worried at this point, but encouraged me to keep an open mind.

another bad cell phone picture....but you get the idea!

How far along: 36 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 30 pounds from pre-ER weight...I've lost a couple of pounds this past week.
Maternity clothes: Yep...I've even outgrown a couple of tops I bought early on.
Stretch marks:Yep, they have made their mark on my hips and my belly.
Sleep:Pretty good still....but, I'm increasingly tired. I'm usually asleep on the sofa after dinner.
Best moment last week: My baby shower! Marlo and Jenn did a great job! It was so fun to see everyone together celebrating this little one. My mom finally got to feel Mini move! I'll post pictures this weekend.
Movement: Yep! Mini is starting to run out of room, so hard kicks have turned into gentle rolls. Mini puts on a show every night after dinner. Brian is convinced that there is an alien growing in my belly...he says it every time he sees my belly rocking and a rollin'!
Food cravings: nothing really. My appetite is decreasing...I'm starting to fill up pretty fast.
Gender: I don't know....but looking forward to finding out!
Labor Signs: 1 cm dilated; Mini is still really high...more frequently BH contractions, but nothing productive. Measuring at 40 weeks....but, I've been consistently measuing 2-3 weeks ahead my entire pregnancy.
Belly Button in or out: In, but very shallow.
What I miss: Nothing, really. I'm loving every minute of this...but I'm a bit sad that it's going by too fast!
What I am looking forward to: My next OB appointment...

30 weeks

Wow...this month is flying by! Brian and I finally had a free weekend. So, we decided to take Belle for a walk at the Lafayette Reservoir. It's about 15 minutes from our house and a great little walk. I think I see us spending a lot of time there in our future. It's a paved trail and there is a fantastic playground at the end of the trail! It was stroller and dog heaven. They even had a drinking fountain for the 4-legged walkers on the trail!

How far along: 30 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 20 pounds from pre-ER weight
Maternity clothes: Yep...I've even outgrown a couple of tops I bought early on.
Stretch marks:Yep, they have made their mark on my hips .
Sleep:Pretty good....my hips have been bothering me, so they wake me up from time to time. I usually flip sides and fall back asleep.
Best moment last week: Passing my 3 hour glucose test and Being told "good job" by several people who were impressed that I was out walking multiple miles at 30 weeks! I thought it was funny...but made me feel good.
Movement: Yeap! Everyday now....especially after I eat and when I'm driving home. Mini Kenny likes to press it's butt up against my side....I think Mini likes to get butt rubs!
Food cravings: nothing really. My appetite is decreasing...I'm starting to fill up pretty fast.
Gender: I don't know....but looking forward to finding out!
Labor Signs: Um, no. But, I've had a few Braxton Hicks contractions.
Belly Button in or out: In, but very shallow. Getting some bruising around BB, so I don't think it will be much longer!
What I miss: Nothing, really. I'm loving every minute of this...but I'm a bit sad that it's going by too fast!
What I am looking forward to: Our maternity pictures! We are taking them this weekend with a great photographer who took some adorable pictures of the Johnson boys. She's great with kids and will be taking newborn pictures of our little bug, too!

Belle and I on our walk

25 Weeks!

Bad picture from my cellphone..but you get the idea.

How far along: 25 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 16 pounds from pre-ER weight
Maternity clothes: Yes, everything is maternity now.
Stretch marks: Nope, and praying it stays that way.
Sleep: Like a rock! I am tossing and turning a bit more than normal.
Best moment last week: Feeling Mini Kenny kicking like crazy after I drank a Sprite! I hardly ever drink soda, but apparently Mini Kenny liked it!
Movement: Yeap! Everyday now....especially after I eat and when I'm driving home
Food cravings: nothing really. Still loving my avocado and cucumber sandwiches!
Gender: I am thinking boy! Felt that way since the very beginning.
Labor Signs: Um, no. But, I've had a few Braxton Hicks contractions.
Belly Button in or out: In, but very shallow.
What I miss: Nothing, really. I'm loving every minute of this!
What I am looking forward to: Finishing the nursery (we'll post more pictures, I promise!)Milestones: completing 2 more classes....breast feeding and baby basics. All that's left is the Birthing class in June. Yikes!

Dear Little One, Please Know...

Dear Little One... reaching and stretching inside my belly... listening and dreaming and floating in your warm and cozy bath, there's so much your daddy and I want you to know. But, for now, please know.....

Know that I have loved you since you were a mere thought. That I have dreamed of feeling you move beneath my skin from that first moment when your daddy and I talked about the possibility of you. That through months and years of wishing and hoping and crying and praying and pleading... I never lost sight of you. Your tiny spirit was there all the while, reaching out to guide your daddy and I through every moment of despair......and every moment of hope.

Know that I have loved you....your little hands and feet and perfect beating heart. I have loved you even more since seeing your first photo.....one of those two microscopic spheres of potential, dividing and growing and very much alive.

Know that I have loved you with a ferocity and vigor since those days waiting to find out if you were still there. Do you remember the day as I drove to work? I cried and choked out "please hang on"... and you, knowing it was time, knowing this was our path... listened. When I heard the doctor ask me if I felt pregnant and told me the beta numbers, the evidence of your continued existence, I knew you were such a good baby... you hung on alright.

and that day... I loved you so much more.

Know that I have loved you with a quiet awe, since that first time your daddy and I saw you on the ultrasound screen... and the Dr. smiled and pointed and your daddy practically burst from grinning... to see you... to see your little heart beating...so small, but so amazingly alive...to watch you grow from visit to visit, until we saw your little arms and legs flaps moving and swaying in that dark orb of liquid...

Know that I have loved you with a depth I can't describe, since the day we learned you were healthy and strong, the little miracle I had seen in my dreams for so many long months... carrying me through cycle after cycle of crushed hope... to know, to actually see that you had come to us... to know that we had dreamed of you, your name, your face, your hair, your eyes... for so long now....so long before you came to be. That day my heart could have exploded from loving you.

Little one... know that I love you more than I could write or say, more than you could even imagine... and that I only love you that much more as we begin to feel you kick and twist and grow, as we get your home ready for you, as we humbly wait and watch, still in awe of you... this love grows and grows.

You are something for which there are no words. You are beyond miracles, beyond hope, beyond comprehension... and we wait... and we watch... and we love you.

Know, little one... that we have forever loved, and will forever love you.

We can't wait to meet you in July!

xoxo, Your mommy and daddy

I stole this from a fellow IF bloggers blog. I thought it was a great way to document what's happening. Brian and I feel so lucky to be experiencing this miracle and I don't want to forget a second of it!
_____________________________________________________________________________________

How far along: 21 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 12 pounds from pre-ER weight
Maternity clothes: Yes, everything is maternity now.
Stretch marks: Nope, and praying it stays that way.
Sleep: Like a rock! I am tossing and turning a bit more than normal.
Best moment last week: Hearing the heartbeat at our OB appointment. It's the greatest sound
Movement: Yes.....I think. Gentle flutters and Still not everyday and I have to really pay attention or I could miss it.
Food cravings: Salad and Veggie Sandwiches
Gender: I am thinking boy! Felt that way since the very beginning.
Labor Signs: Um, no.
Belly Button in or out: In, but very shallow.
What I miss: My ankles! I now have cankles pretty much every evening.
What I am looking forward to: Our BIG u/s on Friday!!
Milestones: Getting the nursery totally cleaned out and setting all the furniture in place. YEAH!

1/2 Way There!

Hard to believe, but we are about 1/2 way done with this pregnancy! Wow!!!

There's no mistaking that I'm expecting now! I'm still feeling great and the NP says everything is progressing exactly how it should be. Mini Kenny's heart beat was 150 at our last appointment. We go for our 2nd Trimester screening ultrasound this week and I'm looking forward to seeing how much the Little One has changed. Brian and I are waiting to find out the sex of Mini Kenny until delivery, so we'll have no big announcements! But, I'm sure we'll get lots of pictures of Mini Kenny.

Work is going to get really busy starting in May. We're hiring about 40 people and that equals a lot of work for me! So, the goal is to have the nursery done by May 1st. We have lots of progress already. Brian installed a ceiling fan and assembled the crib. Of course, seeing a crib in our house brought on happy tears! I can't believe that we have a crib in our house and in a few short months, Mini Kenny will be using it!

Times a flyin'!

Wow! I can't believe that February is almost drawing to a close! Where does the time go???

Brian has been busy installing baseboard and door casings thru-out the house. He is doing a great job and it looks fantastic...I can't believe what a difference it makes! I'll be sure to post pictures once the project is complete. We still need to finish a couple rooms and do all the touch-up painting.

We've started researching child care options and pediatricians. I know we have lots of time, but I want to get the "big stuff" out of the way so that I can relax a little bit about who is going to be taking care of this precious little one. I'm hoping to schedule interviews with several providers/centers next week. I have several "favorites" after my initial phone interviews with them. Some have waiting lists already, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Mini Kenny's next appointment is on 3/9 and our level II ultrasound is 3/19. I'm looking forward to it since it's been a couple months since we've seen Mini. Yes...I still get nervous. I'm anxiously awaiting to feel movement, which should be happening in the next month or so. Yes....I'm still so amazed that we are experiencing this awesome miracle. Yes....I still can't believe it. Today, at work, an associate asked me if I knew what I was having. For a second, I thought he was asking about what I was having for lunch....it took a bit to register that he was asking if I knew if the baby was a boy or girl. Wow....so not used to that question yet...or perhaps it's a case of pregnancy brain!

4 month appointment

We had a quick and easy appointment today! We met our OB for the first time day and we really liked him. He is super low-key and very calming. In fact everyone in the practice has been that way. They have their act together and I feel like we made the right decision in selecting this practice. Heartrate was 143 today. Everything is right on target and looking great. We couldn't be more thankful and excited. This is all becoming more real now!

Our RE called today to check in on us and she was super excited to hear about our progress and that everything is indicating a healthy, normal pregnancy. She said that she would check in on us again at 6 months, and at 9 months. She said, besides telling couples that they are pregnant, having these follow-up conversations is the best part of her job. Brian and I know that not all of her patients have a happy ending, so we feel so lucky to be expecting this baby and are cherishing every single minute of it. While I don't think the nerves will ever go away (it's part of being a parent, right?!?!), we are definitely starting to relax a bit more and are so excited to meet this little miracle come July...or August!

16 weeks

Super Bowl Sunday

We woke up to beautiful blue skies after a pretty rainy week. We took advantage of the sunshine and took Belle for a long walk and washed cars. I made a bunch of appetizers to enjoy while watching the Saints beat the Colts (fingers crossed!). We are now settling down, waiting for the game to start.

Not much to report on the baby front. Our next OB appointment is on Tuesday. These appointments always make me nervous. This has been our longest stretch without a check-up, so it's a little weird. We organized the room that we are going to be using for the baby. It had become a dumping ground for all kinds of junk.

Yikes.....there's stuff everywhere...we cleaned out all non-baby items.

Brian installed a ceiling fan last week and will be putting in closet doors this week. Our next big project will be tackling all the door trim and baseboards throughout the house.

I'm starting to get a noticeable bump and slowly moving into maternity clothes.

Me at almost 16 weeks Brian...just cause he's cute!

I'm amazed and humbled at everyone's generosity. We've received lots of hand-me-downs of books, maternity clothes, and some gender neutral baby clothing. Talk of showers has begun and we couldn't be more thankful. Oh....and we bought a crib. Crazy, huh??? It was on sale, so we couldn't resist.

Coming Out...

of hiding.....and pregnancy induced exhaustion!!!

That's right, we're pregnant! Well, I am....but Brian couldn't be more excited. Thank you to all who have been patiently waiting and kindly have been asking for updates. I've been posting all along the way, I just haven't published any of them until we were more comfortable and just about out of the 1st trimester.

So, everything is looking good and we're coming out of hiding. We couldn't be more excited and I think we are both in shock that this is really happening. I think the best thing about this pregnancy so far is hearing Brian tell people about the baby. His excitement and pure joy in his voice touched me deeply and reminded me, yet again, that he will be an amazing father.

So, catch up on the posts and I promise to continue to post more soon. Yes--for those that asked, I'll even take some belly pics. Right now I'm more bloat belly than baby belly...but that will change soon!

12 week appointments

Today was a busy day! We had 2 appointments and bloodwork today!

Our 1st appointment was with the perinatologist for the NT Scan. The NT scan is a relatively new test. It can help assess the baby's risk of having Down syndrome and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems. The NT test is done via ultrasound to measure the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of the baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average. Like other screening tests, an NT scan won't give a diagnosis. But it can assess the baby's risk for certain problems and help us decide whether we want to proceed with chorionic villus sampling (CVS) or amniocentesis, which would give more definitive answers.

We got quite a show. Little One was dancing all around waving it's arms and kicking it's legs. It even opened and closed it's mouth a couple of times for us! The peri was laughing and telling us to be ready for an active one!
Maybe we are having a baby after all! Look at that cute little nose!

Next appointment was with the OB for my 12 week check-up. They were pleased with my progress. LO's heartrate was 163....perfect! I'm a little anemic, so I am being put on iron supplements. My ovaries are still huge from OHSS, so they will also be watching that. We talked about classes, weight gain (I'm up 10 pounds from pre-ivf weight; but only 2 pounds post ER weight which is right on target....they want me to plan on gaining 25-35 pounds throughout the pregnancy). We also got a packet about registering at the hospital, which I have to do in about 3 more weeks.....wow.....just wow!

1st OB Appointment...9 weeks

We had our first appointment with the OB. The office was really busy and I was in shock with how many pregnant baby bellies were in the office. So not what I'm used to with the RE. I guess I'm a normal pregnant lady now....so strange....but so great!


We met the nurse practitioner and she did a baseline ultrasound just to make sure that everything looks good and so that they have it for their records even though the RE had transferred everything over. I didn't mind....another glimpse of our Litte One! Brian got to see the LO moving around at the beginning of the scan. I missed to....but Brian was really excited!

hmmm....glow worm???

Our visit was quick since I had been monitored by the RE. I had to have some additional bloodwork that they like ordered for their new patients and got a referral to the perinatalogist for our NT Scan. Uneventful....but so exciting that we passed another hurdle today!

Christmas is just 3 days away. I can't help but dream about what next Christmas will be like. I can't wait! We bought a stroller for LO's "first Christmas present". It was on sale and a great deal....I couldn't resist! We can't wait to take LO for walks in it!

8 week ultrasound

8 week ultrasound today!

I was so excited to see the LO today! Dr. W was right on time today and we got to see a beautiful beating heart today. It was beating away at 168 beats per minute. We were able to hear the heartbeat thru the ultrasound today....music to my ears!

Baby is looking like ET here!

In our excitement, we also got some bittersweet news. Dr. W discovered a 2nd sac with a baby that didn't have any cardiac activity. So, both embryos attached after the transfer. But, for whatever reason, the 2nd sac didn't develop past 7 weeks. It's called "vanishing twin" syndrome. It occurs in about 20-30% of multiple pregnancies. Typically, the sac will reabsorb and not cause any problems. I'll continue to be monitored to make sure that this is, in fact, the case.


We graduated from the RE today, just shy of 1 year since we started our journey with them. It was sad to leave because they have been so good to us. They really did feel like part of our family. I have orders from Dr. W and Sara to email with updates, belly pictures, and to bring the baby by for a visit. I can't wait!!!


Keep growing strong, Little One!

6 week Ultrasound

We had our 6 week ultrasound today. I was a nervous wreck and so was Brian. It was a very quiet ride to the office. We had to wait for what seemed like forever.

We were finally called back and greeted by Sara, our nurse throughout the cycle. She was so excited for us. She asked how I was doing, and I instantly started crying. I was just so nervous. She reassured me that Dr. W would be right in to get started. She had a student nurse working with her that day, so she asked if she could be in the room with us. At that point, I really didn't care who was in the room, I just wanted to know if everything was OK.

Dr. W finally came in. Since she knew how nervous I was, she wanted to get started with the ultrasound and go over everything else later. She was able to find the gestational sac immediately and then zoomed in on the heartbeat. I couldn't believe it....it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. Brian and I were both in tears. Little one was so small, but so amazingly alive!

It's hard to see...but in the top of the black oval is the baby. It's so small, but it looks like a diamond ring on the screen. The ring is the sac and the "diamond " is the baby

Everything was measuring right on target and Dr. W reviewed my meds and bloodwork and next appointments. Since I had mild OHSS, she went over when to call her if I experienced any difficultly in breathing etc. She said that my ovaries are still really over stimulated, but pregnancy usually helps the symptoms to subside. She also gave us instructions to call and ask to be scheduled for an ultrasound at any time we are worried and in need of reassurance. Lastly, she wants me to book an appointment with an OB....hard to believe!


The entire office was buzzing with our news and we got lots of hugs and congrats from the staff. We see them so much that they really began to feel like family. It's going to be really hard to say goodbye. Next ultrasound is in 2 weeks!

Thanksgiving 2009

Dear Little One--

Your daddy and I spent Thanksgiving in Tahoe. It was your first road trip! We have so much to be Thankful for this year. Your daddy and I love you so much already and can't believe how lucky we are.

I have been feeling really good and I haven't had ANY preganancy symptoms at all, other than exhaustion and waking up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. I know I'm lucky and I'm very thankful that you are making pregnancy so easy on me. However, at times, I do get scared. I just hope that you are alright in there!

We had a very relaxing time in Tahoe. We took walks, slept a lot, watched movies, read, and worked on a puzzle. It was cold and snowy several days, so it was perfect for staying in by the fire and drinking hot chocolate!

Grow Strong, Little One!

Beta #2

Beta #2 = 403!!!

Dr. W said that we doubled close enough and she wasn't at all worried. Typically, a healthy pregnancy should have a doubling beta every 48-72 hours. All my other bloodwork looked great, so I go to go off all my meds. Wow! Now, I'm only on baby aspirin and pre-natal vitamins.

Next up, 6 week ultrasound in 2 more weeks.

Overjoyed!

I'm knocked up! I'm with child! I'm FINALLY pregnant!!!!!

Brian and I got up early and were at the lab by 7am for my Beta draw. It sure was a quiet ride to the lab. We were both so nervous. We so desperately wanted to hear the great news that we were finally pregnant!

I took the day off work so that we could be together to process whatever news we received when Dr. W called. We waited and waited and waited for what seemed like an eternity, but it was just after 11am when the phone rang. Brian was out with Belle on a walk, so I debated if I should answer the phone or let her leave a message. I decided to answer the phone. Dr. W said Hello and asked me how I was feeling. I said that I felt fine, but that I was really nervous. She asked if I was feeling pregnant and I responded that I wasn't at all. She replied, "are you sure, because you should be!". I was unsure as to where she was going with this and I dumbfoundedly asked her, "I'm really pregnant, you're not kidding?". She replied, "I don't kid about things like this, you are pregnant!".

My beta level was great! Beta was 205 9dp5dt. I cried tears of shock and joy. Dr. W congratulated me and told me to tell Brian the good news and gave me instructions about my meds. After we got off the phone, I ran to our empty room and grabbed the onies that Brian and I bought in Murphy's during our 1st IUI cycle many months ago. When he got home, I was crying. I showed him the onies and asked if he'd like to use it in about 8 more months! We both cried and hugged and cried some more!

We are both so excited and nervous and scared. I took a pregnancy test just to see the words "pregnant" pop up. I still couldn't believe it. I have another blood draw on Thursday to make sure my levels are doubling and then we have our 1st ultrasound on 12/2. We can't wait to see our little one!