Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Brian and I carved pumpkins last night....he did the dog and I did the super basic smiley face. We've always had a tradition of carving pumpkins and this year was no different. However, this year we scooped out the guts, washed our hands, Brian gave me shot #1 and then we finished up the carving and then did shot #2!

Gotta love the 7:00am appointments at the RE's office. Yup, we were there bright and early! Here's the latest stats:

E2: 1833

Follicles: I'll be honest...I've lost count. Right now, I don't really care about the quantity....we're paying more attention to the size. My largest follie is 19mm and the rest are between 12-17. The hope is to get some of the smaller ones a bit larger. A follicle is considered mature when they are between 16-20mm. So, we're getting really close.

Med List: All the same...but amounts have decreased to 75 units of Follistim and 75 units of Menopur. Ganirelix stays the same. We're keeping our fingers crossed that today is our last night of stims.

What's Next: If all looks good tomorrow, I'll get the go ahead to give the HCG trigger shot. HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) is given to cause final maturation of the eggs and help the egg to release from the wall of the follicle for easier aspiration during the Egg Retrieval (ER). Then, 36 hours later I will go in for the ER. Click here to learn more about the Egg Retrieval Process.

Ok...since it's Halloween....here's my belly shot....it's a scary, bloated sight. My arms match pretty well too, thanks to the daily blood draws!

Another good appointment

We were at the RE's office again this morning. We got more good news....we're starting to feel spoiled!

Follicle Count: 9 on the right and 8 on the left. The count is a bit lower because some of the follicles haven't caught up with the others. So, we have 17 that are almost mature. My lead follicle (the biggest) is almost 18mm now. My lining is up to 10....a perfect 10!

E2 level: 773

Drug List: all still the same...nothing new. Ganirelix comes in a pre-filled syringe. We decided it's a crappy needle. Brian had to stick me 3 times before the needle finally went in. Good grief! We've never had a problem before...go figure!

We go in tomorrow for another E2 draw and sonogram. We also will have our pre-op with Dr. Wachs which means were getting close to our Egg Retrieval (ER). We're thinking Sunday or Monday, but will know more after tomorrow.

I'm still feeling good...just super tired. I'm really feeling my ovaries tonight....borderline sore...but not bad. Today was really the first day that I felt completely overwhelmed. I had a million thoughts racing thru my mind. I bounce between excited, hopeful, scared, and terrified. I've really been battling fears of getting pregnant, only to endure another loss.

My faith has certainly been tested throughout the last 2 years. But, I still believe that there is a reason for everything and that God is in control. He knows the desire in our hearts, but that doesn't mean our prayers will be answered just as we ask them to be. But I do know that in the end, everything will be OK.

I keep reminding myself of the many blessing we have received throughout this process. God will bless us in one way or another. Instead of worrying about the possibilities, I'll remember the victories, no matter how small; like how my amazing husband and I have learned to communicate so much better than ever before; Brett, Marlo and Heather who have been simply incredible throughout; our amazing doctors and nurses; support from "my girls" on the internet; kind emails from family and friends just when we need them most; and the simple fact that we're able to be on this journey in the first place thanks to my medical coverage thru Crate.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."-Melody Beattie

Reason # 925

How do I love my RE...let me count the ways?!?!

She called me at 8:30pm tonight to check in on us, see how we were doing, and let us know that everything was looking great! Yeah....this was after my nurse called this afternoon and told us the same thing.

I have been so impressed by this clinic. They are great and have done exactly what they say they are going to do....how often do you find that in a medical office?!!?

They have been such a blessing and have really made this experience much smoother for us.

Still going strong

Another 7am visit to the RE's office this morning.

Follicle Count: 14 on the right and 9 on the left.....23 total! They are measuring between 10 and 14mm right now. The goal is to get them up to 18-21mm to be considered mature (think dime thru nickel in size). My lining looks great!

E2 level: still look good...rising like it should

Drug List: all the same, just adding in Ganirelix tonight....the antagonist to keep me from ovulating...yeap...another shot! I have to give this one between 10 and 11pm....so Brian's going to wake me up and give me the shot in bed!

Still feeling good, but starting to feel a lot of action in my ovaries! Yippeee! There's about 24 times more going on in there than normal, since women typically only ovulate 1 follicle per month.The normal ovary is about the size of an almond. By the time of the egg retrival, mine will be about the size of a grapefruit. So, I guess it would be like the size of a tomoto now, right? The follicles actually grow on the outside of the ovary. The RE used the analogy of a water blister since the follicle is a fluid filled sac on the outside of the ovary that contains the egg.

Next follie scan is on Thursday. Egg retrival is still tentatively scheduled for Monday, 11/2.

Brunch Date

In our journey with infertility, I have found a few really great resources on-line. The best resource that I have found is from an Infertility message board. It's a place for women who are under going ART (assisted reproductive technology). It's a place where people can ask questions, vent frustrations, and offer support. I've been on the board since the beginning of the year once we received our diagnosis and realized our dreams of having a baby weren't going to be easy.

These women are the most knowledgeable and supportive group of women who I have ever "met". I think what has been the most helpful to me it that they all "get it". They understand, first hand, the fears, frustrations, doubts, and insecurities that infertility brings. It's reassuring to learn from their experiences, bounce ideas off of them, and to realize what you are feeling is the same as what others going thru this roller coaster are experiencing.

There are a handful of us from Northern CA, so we decided to meet in person for brunch. It was a morning full of laughter, encouragement, and sharing. Three of us go to the same clinic, so we compared notes. We are already planning our next get-together after the first of the year.

Cindy, Betsy, me, Anna, and Stacy

Progressing Nicely!

We were at the RE's office bright and early this morning for our first ultrasound and E2 draw since starting stims. Amazingly, everything is going right as it should be! I have 6 follies on the right ovary and 7 on the left ovary. My lining is a bit thin...so the nurse isn't worried....yet. She said it's thin but not abnormally so for this point in my cycle. It should be thickening up this week. The lining measured a 5 and they like to see anything over 8. We'll keep our fingers crossed...our little embroyos need a nice, cushiony bed for their 9-month stay!

I'm feeling pretty good....I'm just really tired. But, my body is working overtime making those eggs. Typically, women only ovulate 1 follicle per month...I have 13...possibly more....growing! Brian is doing a great job with the shots and we have the hang of mixing the Menopur down pat.

I go in on Tuesday for my next follie scan/blood draw. Until then, all meds will remain the same. Here's the list: Follistim, Menopur, Baby Asprin, and PreNatal Vitamin.

Off again...On again!

You're never going to believe this....

Sunday.....cycle was canceled due to high E2 levels

Monday AM....RE called and left message saying she reviewed my bloodwork and sono and it looks like I ovulated thru the BCP and Lupron. She called me a "super ovulator" and that my body wants to do what it wants to do. So, she's changed my protocol for the next attempt. She said to call with my period shows up, most likely with in the next week or so.

Monday PM...Period shows up, so I call my nurse. She schedules ultrasound and blood drawfor the morning.

Tuesday AM...Sono looks great! Now just waiting for blood results

Tuesday PM...Nurse calls and says, "you're starting stims tomorrow!" E2 was down to 23.4! Yahoo.....

So, we are in shock but so excited! We are starting our stimulating hormone injections tomorrow night. We're calling this IVF# 1.3! My protocol has been changed since my body just laughs at Lupron. I'm using a Antagonist protocol. If you want to read more about it, here a good, easy to understand explanation: antangonist protocol

Everything is going to happen really fast....I start stims tomorrow and have a tentative egg retrieval (ER) on Monday, 11/2. We are excited and so hopeful! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

There is a God...

Thanks to Nadya Suleman, the number 1 question we get from people who learn we are doing fertility treatments is, "so, are you going to be the next octomom?". HaHa...so not funny... needless to say, I can't stand that woman.

I stumbled across this article and said, "it's about time!". You see, her doctor was kicked out of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the main infertility professional organization.
Thank God...I just hope the State of California takes it one step further and revokes his medical license.

And...we're canceled

My E2 level was 98, so my cycle has been canceled again. I talked to the on-call nurse today, so I don't have a lot of information. But, for some reason, my body isn't responding to Lupron.

My regular RE is on-route to Atlanta to attend an infertility conference. So, she should be calling me in the next day or so to review and make a plan. I'm sure there will be a change in my protocol. We're just really bummed and disappointed right now.

I was reading a infertlity blog the other day and I think she said it best: "It would be so much easier to deal with infertility if there was a clear end somewhere down the line. If I knew that in one year, or two years, I would be pregnant. Or if I could see that I could be happy with another sort of “resolution” to this situation. It is most certainly easier to live through any sort of crisis when the end is in sight, no matter how far away that end might be. Infertility is not a guaranteed “temporary” situation. That is why it is scary and sad and overwhelming. That is why sometimes it feels like we are banging our heads against a brick wall, again and again. If I were to think about other challenging or unfortunate scenarios, even if they are pretty damn bad, all might have that “end game” component–and infertility just doesn’t."

Another Setback

So, the hits just keep on coming. Seriously, just when we think we have something moving along, we get postponed. I went in this morning for my sonogram and E2(estrogen) draw. Turns out, I have a small cyst leftover from my last cycle that didn't go down as much as it should and my E2 level is elevated. So, not starting stims as planned.

For now, I will remain on Lupron for a while. Lupron is the devil. It's giving me gnarly headaches that Tylenol just laughs at, lumps at the injection site, and hot flashes. So, after this, menopause should be a cakewalk for me!

I go in on Sunday for another sono and E2 draw. Please pray for shrinkage of the cyst and an E2 level below 75.

Let's get this party started!

Remember this box...and how excited I was to get it???
Remember the contents???

If not....click here to read all about it! Remember, now???

Well, tonight we got to finally start using the contents! As Brian said, "we finally get to do shots to get this party started!". So, I played chief mixologist and drew up the Lupron from it's vial like a seasoned veteran. Without much fanfare, Brian served it up and I chased the shot with a Birth Control Pill and Prenatal Vitamins. Quite the concoction, huh?!? We were both so much more confident than our last injectable cycle. But hey, this isn't our first rodeo!

So, what's next? I remain on Birth Control thru Sunday. Then, I continue with Lupron until the 15th, when I will go in for my suppression check to determine if my E2(estrogen) level is suppressed sufficiently and my ovaries are "quiet". Basically, I'm being put into a medical menopause. If all looks good, I'll continue on with the Lupron and start the stimulating hormones. My RE said she wanted to play with my dose a little more this go around, since she knows that I'm a quick responder. Hey, what can I say??? I have rock star ovaries! So, she said that we'll talk more on the 15th to make sure that we are all on the same page with my protocol. Can I say again how impressed I am with my clinic?

Fall Decorations

We had a great weekend! We took an impromtu trip into San Fran to visit some friends on Saturday and then we were just plain lazy on Sunday. I finished the Fall decorations and Bri bought me flowers...

IVF 1.2 Update

So, not much to report...I'm back on Birth Control Pills (BCP) to start supressing my ovaries. Here's a rough calendar of events:

9/29: Start BCP (to supress my ovaries)
10/8: Start Injections of Lupron (to further supress ovaries)
10/15: Supression Check/Basline Sonogram; E2 draw (estrogen levels)
10/16: Start Stimulation Hormone Injections (Stims); continue with Lupron
10/20: Morning Monitoring Begins (sonogram and E2 draws)
10/28: Tentative Egg Retrival (could change up to +/- 1 week based response to stims
10/29: Fertilizatio Report
11/2: 5 day transfer

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month. On October 15th, everyone who has lost a baby or knows someone who has lost a baby is invited to light a candle in remembrance at 7pm local time. Please consider doing this and encouraging others to participate as well. There are local candlelit walks around the country. Check out this link for more information.