Hope and Fear

I've followed the blog Enjoying the Small Things for a long time. Kelle Hampton's daughter, Nella, was born with Down syndrome right after I found out I was pregnant with Sara. I've enjoyed following her blog. She's a beautiful photographer and has a way with words.

I never imagined that we would have something besides motherhood in common. Then, on that fateful day in June, I, too, became a special needs mom.

Since Sara's diagnosis, Brian and I have been manically swinging between Hope and Fear. It's funny.....I was never worried about the immediate day in front of me. I was fearful of what lay way in the future. College, driving a car, living on her own, would she be able to take care of herself after we were gone. Brian and I both have cried, begged, and pleaded. We each have urned for a crystal ball.

Sara's school is amazing and we feel so lucky to be able to attend the monthly parent meetings. We were like deer in headlights those first months. Just like kids on the spectrum, the parents varied greatly. You could feel the desperation and fear oozing out of each word some parents voiced. Others, like Brian and I, were just looking for support and reassurance that we were not alone in this.

A beautiful post from Kelle Hampton, commemorating her daughters 4th birthday was waiting for me this morning in my long neglected reader. Here's the portion that got me:

"I think that Fear is the most cancerous and incapacitating emotion there is. It eats away at the good we have to offer, cripples us from exploring dreams and pulls our focus away from where it should be. Fear is Productivity’s Kryptonite and Gratitude’s Predator.
I’ve trained to be a Ninja Warrior against Future Fear, knowing that with every challenge we’ll ever be given in life, our job will never require more of us than to face one day at a time. Thinking about all the what-ifs for Nella at once—if she’ll be accepted, if she’ll get made fun of, if she’ll be sad or feel different, if she’ll be healthy, if she’ll find employment, if she’ll be taken care of after we’re gone—can feel like having the wind knocked out of me. But I’ll never have to face all of those things ever at once, so why worry about them all at once. One day at a time. We have more than what it takes to love and support our children for just today. And I can wake up and say that again tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that."

Yes.....what she said...one day at a time...No matter what we will face in the future we have more than enough love and determination to navigate whatever comes our way. We fought like hell before she was born and we will continue to fight for her...one day at a time.

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