Coming Out

The longer that Brian and I are married, the more questions we get about when we are going to start a family. It’s a very natural question. I have wanted to be a mom ever since I can remember and it’s a fact that I have been very open about. Many of you know that Brian and I have been trying to create a 2-legged sibling for Belle for a while now, but some of you don’t. So, we wanted to share our journey with you.

We have been trying since October of 2007. We were overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant in May of 2008, but our world came crashing down on Father’s Day when we lost our precious baby. This past December, we decided to pursue infertility testing with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Our results didn’t deliver us the greatest of news. Our RE recommended that we proceed with a medicated IUI (intra-uterine insemination). So, today we started our first medicated cycle.

It’s definitely an interesting time to be pursuing fertility treatments to have a baby. The world has had a lot of exposure to products of infertility treatment recently. Everyone seems to be familiar with John and Kate + 8 thanks to the TV show and surrounding publicity. Kate used IUI to conceive both of her pregnancies. Our RE was very specific in terms of how we will avoid multiple births. She will do weekly ultrasounds throughout my cycle to track the development of the follicles that will eventually turn into mature eggs. Just prior to insemination, another ultrasound is done to see how many mature follicles there are. If there are 4 or more--she cancels the cycle. If there are less than 3, we choose if we want to go ahead. (The chances of 2 or 3 eggs being fertilized and actually implanting are not really all that good).

Infertility isn't fair, and it's expensive and painful and extremely difficult. Brian and I so desperately want to be parents. Our child may come naturally, or with medical intervention, or possibly through adoption, I don't know. But what I do know is that when we have them, we will love them so much more deeply because of this whole mess. All of the fears, worries, pain and unanswered questions will fade away, and all that will matter is the precious life that we created. There have been so many "whys" in this journey: "why us?" "Why aren't we pregnant?", "why isn't this working...we're doing everything right?” I think, even with all the angst, we both feel somewhat relieved that we finally know the reason why and we are ready to take this next step.
As we go thru our treatment cycles, we will keep you posted with as many details as we are comfortable with. Please know that we both welcome your prayers and support. Feel free to ask us questions, but please respect that some days are better than others and some days we just don’t feel like talking about our infertility. We have found a great support from an organization called Resolve. They have a very educational website. Check it out: http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_ffaf_hcih

Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller